sleepless in kansas city…

3 / 9 / 15

Just over two hours. That’s how much sleep I got last night. I could blame daylight savings time, or the one cup of (caffeinated) coffee at 10:00 AM yesterday morning… but I think not. I was in full blown “mommy mode” last night. My brain was on total overload, and there was no “shuttin her down“…

My kids are almost 25. Adults. I get it. Kinda…

My daughter left town yesterday for business. Alone. Had to catch a plane, and then another plane, get a rental car and drive two hours to a place where she has never been. A long day for her, an unsettling feeling for mama bear. She came over for dinner one night last week, and we figured out that because of travel conflicts, we will not see her for several WEEKS, even though she only lives about 25 minutes away. Gosh. I miss her already…

My son moved to Dallas last fall and started into a crazy busy phase at work after the first of the year. Long, long, LONG hours… seven days/week. Ugh!! After a quick text back and forth with “Dad” last night (sports talk), he told his dad that he was gonna try to hit the sack… “not feeling the greatest“. The nonstop stress on his body was trying to catch up with him. “Tell Mom I love her…” I’m sad. He needs Mom’s homemade chicken soup…

And then there is my cousin’s daughter’s daughter (pictured above). Eleven years old. In heart surgery RIGHT NOW. My dad’s side of our family has a history of various “heart issues”. I am posting this today for two reasons… One is prayers. Starting right now (PLEASE!), for her successful surgery; and going forward, for her recovery. Secondly, I am attaching her mom’s facebook post from a month or so ago, in hopes that it might make a difference, maybe even save a life. Please feel free to share the following information, as I have not included any names.

“Warning: Longest post ever, please read. I usually never get very personal on here or do I ask for many favors but today I am doing both. We just recently found out that **** has an anomalous right coronary artery. What that means is the her right coronary artery is next to the left one. In order to be there it has to lay between her aorta and pulmonary artery. This is bad because during physical activity as those vessels fill up with blood her coronary artery can become compressed and shut off blood supply to her heart. This is one of the few things that cause sudden death in kids as they are playing sports. Because of this diagnosis we were faced with decision. We could choose not to do surgery but **** would not be able to engage in any physical activity for the rest of her life and probably have to take meds or do open heart surgery and make the opening bigger so the artery doesn’t become pinched. Neither option is good but after a discussion with the cardiologist and ****, we decided on surgery. While her chance of sudden death with the defect is low she is still at increased risk and a life of no physical activity for an 11 year old didn’t really seem feasible. The thought of surgery is scary as well. We are all very worried but thinking about what is going through ****’s head is extremely hard.
So here is where the favors come in. Yes, I have several favors. First, we are asking for prayers. Prayers and good thoughts for a successful surgery with a speedy and hopefully easy recovery. We are to expect 1-2 week hospital stay, 3-4 weeks off school and 6 months no activity. Those first few weeks will be rough and could use all the prayers we could get. Second, I recommend having your kids checked. This can be found with an ECHO which is basically an ultrasound of the heart. It doesn’t hurt. ****actually had an ECHO in 2011 and was told all okay but recently found out that the artery wasn’t easily visualized so I would specifically ask to have that checked. Most of those sudden death cases of kids on the football field, basketball court etc…could be prevented. Third, We are trying to come up with ideas to help make ****’s recovery easier. Special things that we could for her. We have a few but not sure if they will work so please message me if you can think of anything. We don’t have the surgery date scheduled yet but hoping for early March so she will be in the clear for the next school year. Besides that we Just want to get it over with as it is consuming all our thoughts. Thanks in advance for the prayers and positive thoughts we appreciate it.”

In the next couple of days, I will post a blog on what I have been up to lately. As for today, just one very simple, but powerful, request. Your prayers…

thank you xo

“my word”

2 / 1 / 15

book dandelions — Source: Eqinox/We Heart It

I finally decided on “my word”. For 2015. My word is “chapters”.

Whew! I mean, here it is, February 1st. Already. That means I existed the entire first month of January, 2015… with no word. What? How? OK. Here’s the deal. I didn’t want to just grab any random word; and call it MY word. I had to ponder. And dwell. And stress. Now I probably shoulda coulda woulda started this process a little earlier, but to be quite honest with y’all (my son moved to Dallas. Gotta do that y’all thingie every once in awhile now…), I DID NOT KNOW we had to have “a word”. Yep. I’m just being really honest here. I just didn’t know. Did you know? Ya. You probably did. My friend Dawn has a word. (Click HERE) And she had a word last year as well. She just kinda “knows” these things tho…

“What’s the greatest chapter in your book? Are there pages where it hurts to look?”

A couple lines from one of my fav Blake Shelton songs… Truth is, I have always looked at my life as a book, and every single chapter in “my book” has made me the very person that I am today. The good, the not so good; accomplishments, defeat; amazing triumphs and overwhelming heartbreaks; over-the-top joy, and excruciating pain. It is all me. It is my book. Those are my chapters.

2015 promises to be a big year for me. As it stands now, I will be writing many new chapters throughout the year. And closing others. Case in point, I started the year off by closing the longest running, absolutely hands-down greatest chapter in my “book of life” thus far… The chapter dedicated to raising my (amazing) kids. You notice I did NOT say the chapter dedicated to “Motherhood”. Oh no, no, no. I know better than that. There is no “one chapter”; no “end” to the privilege of Motherhood. My kids will ALWAYS be my kids, and I will ALWAYS be their mom. Nothing will ever change that. EVER. Yes; there are many levels, and chapters, to Motherhood. But the reality is, I am done “raising” my children. They are both almost 25 years old now. Adults; living and working on their own. But I must be honest in telling you, it hurt like crazy to turn that page. To leave behind that amazing chapter and move on.

“What’s the greatest chapter in your book? Are there pages where it hurts to look…?”

2015… Stay tuned.

live happy… Cathy

he is home

12 / 29 / 14

kyle lauren chiefs game Part of my heart went missing this morning.

My son was here for Christmas… Nine days! Wow!!! In the weeks/days leading up to his arrival, I was SO over-the-top excited. It would be absolutely amazing to have him here that long! Such an incredible Christmas blessing. As excited as I was, however, I knew there were also risks. Having him here that long would mean that my heart might start to play tricks on me. And boy was I was right. It certainly did.

My heart went right into “mama mode”. He was back home. In his old room, his old bed. His dishes were in the sink. He was asleep on the couch with the dogs. His towel was back on his bathroom floor. It was just like it was before he moved away.

There were friends and family; dinners and parties; games and movies. We ate too much and slept too little. We laughed, we cried, we reminisced.

Until this morning…

I woke up with that feeling. You know the one. It’s dark and empty and makes you want to just close your eyes and return to the comfort of your dreams. But reality is unavoidable. So after a good cry (Wait. Is there such a thing…?), I walked down the hall towards his (old) bedroom. The light was on. I knocked. “What sounds good for breakfast? Eggs? French toast? Smoothie?” I could see him searching my face; my eyes. He knew. “A smoothie would be great.”, he replied, almost apologetically. I feel terrible about being so sad in front of him, but he knows that is just the way of my heart. The next hour passed in a heartbeat. It was time to go. His cousin’s car was in the driveway ready to begin the eight hour, 500 mile journey home. Yes… Home. The reality is, this is not “home” for him anymore. In his heart; Yes. A part of his heart will always be “home” here… in our hearts. No matter where life takes all of us. But he has moved on, and it is just as it should be. That, my friends, is one hefty of dose of reality. I have no regrets, though. None. I wouldn’t trade a single moment of all the happy, even knowing that the sad would follow. We must always remember to savor each and every moment that we are blessed with.

Exactly eight hours later; his text… “Made it back safe & sound. Miss & love you.” He includes a sad emoji and a big red heart. He is not an emoji guy. That was for me. I simply respond, “me too“.

He is home.

that’s my mama

5 / 12 / 13

If I had a nickel for every time my mom said; “Oh my – You are just. like. your. father!” Now, mind you, this is usually stated in a rather loud voice, and is not to be mistaken as a compliment. At least not at the time that she is broadcasting this fact.

Research states that we have a tendency towards either left-brained or right-brained thinking. I “think” that I am, however, the exception to the rule. (And I think that I think this from my left-sided thinker. Ha! Kinda “Dr. Seuss-ish”!). I really do believe that I am pretty close to a 50/50 split. 50% left brained, like my dad. Logical, analytical, mathematical, thrifty, conservative and stubborn (Mama no like that last one…!). But… I am ALSO a right-brained thinker, like my mom. We are creative, intuitive, spiritual; possibility thinkers (dreamers) with a hint of mischief. OK. On occasion, slightly more than a hint… (Did I tell you the story about when my mom was a little girl at (Catholic) “summer camp”…? Snuck into the nuns tent when they were sleeping and hung their “double D’s” out on the clothesline for all to enjoy…)

Growing up as the oldest of seven, I was “Mama’s little helper” from day one. My “maternal instincts” developed at a very early age. Some of my brothers have been known to throw the word “bossy” around (what the heck??) when we are reminiscing about days gone by… their ~~rough~~ life growing up with two older sisters. Ya… whatever. Let me just say, in my own defense, that – to this day – I would do anything in my power to protect my sister or any of my brothers from anyone or anything. Family, ALL FAMILY, is my beginning and my end. Period.

My mom taught me SO much about life, love, happiness… Those lessons and experiences helped shape me into the woman, wife and mom that I am today. Looking back, there were so many things that I did not understand, so many unanswered questions… all crystal clear once I became a mom myself. I have to laugh now, thinking back on the days when she would declare that “for the rest of the day“, we were not allowed to use the word “Mom”. Or “Mommy”. Or anything even remotely close. Pam. We had to call her Pam. Alrighty then. Pam it is. That’s my mama.

As far back as I can remember, my mom always encouraged me to be me. I’m a little (Ha!) “out of the box” at times, but she has always supported and embraced that part of my soul, allowing me to grow into my authentic self. Truth be told, I am still growing into that “authentic self”, and she is still there supporting and encouraging me every step of the way. Yep. That’s my mama. My mom makes me laugh. A lot. Belly laughs that make you cry. My mom is funny, and I love that about her. Sometimes when you’re down and out, you just need someone to tell you to “put your big girl panties on and deal with it“. Well, friends… that’s NOT my mama. Sometimes, however, you need someone to rub your back (even if it’s long distance), tell you that it’s OK to cry and reassure you that everything is going to be OK. Even when it’s not. That’s my mama.

So today I say, thank you mom… for everything that you are; I am; we are. From now until forever, I will always be proud to say…

Yep. That’s my mama…xo

Oh… and P.S. – You still make the best “homemade, from scratch” cinnamon rolls on. the. planet. Enough said.

if heaven wasn’t so far away

8 / 29 / 12

So the funeral was today. I watched, in pain, as my friend said goodbye to her husband; the father of her beautiful children. Oh my gosh – How does this happen? In an instant, your life is completely upside down. Inside out. Changed forever. Just. Like. That.

At times like these, we are called to pause and reflect on our own lives. What, or who, have we been taking for granted?? We all get busy. Busy, busy, busy. So much to do; so little time. Right? So what would change if we really knew what “so little time” really meant?

We complain that our husbands leave the toilet seat up, snore so loud that the walls vibrate and never buy us flowers. So go out and buy yourself a bunch of flowers – and a pair of earplugs while you’re at it. And please note that it takes less than five seconds to put a toilet seat down. Seriously. Husbands complain that their wives never stop talking. Talking while they are watching sports. Talking while they are (trying to) read the paper. Talking, talking, talking. But what if that talking was truly silenced. Forever.

“If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away”, a song chosen by his kids to accompany the video…. a picture diary of a life well lived, but cut way too short. Click on the link. Watch the video. The words remind us how fragile and fleeting life can be. We can’t go back. Once our loved ones are gone, they are gone forever. Today is a gift from God…. so love with all your heart.

blessed with babies

8 / 14 / 12

How can you not smile when you look at this sweet little face…

Goodness gracious; I have had babies on my mind lately. Between our two families, we have three little ones turning one within a month and a half of each other. And, on top of that, we just welcomed another precious little one into the family this month! Fourteen nieces and nephews. We are so blessed.

Distance; and time… they are the enemies. On my side of the family, every single one of my nieces and nephews is far away. That is just so very hard for me. There are so many milestones, moments and memories that pass… without me. Sometimes I just have an “Aunt Cathy hug” deep inside that makes me feel like I am going to explode if I can’t deliver it!! Ya – I know. I’m their aunt… not their mom. But for me it goes really, really deep. I would do anything for any of them, as if they were my very own. Because they are. They are family… and there is nothing more precious in all the world.