home

“HOME is not a place. It’s a feeling”

Over three years. That is how long we have been searching for a house. A house that my parents, and youngest brother Michael, can call home. I’m not going to say “the perfect house”, for I do not believe in the concept of “perfection”. What I will say, however, is that it feels right. And good. And happy.

From St. Louis to Kansas City. My parents and brother will be moving 252 miles across the state of Missouri – leaving behind a house that has been “home” to my parents for more than 40 years. It is where they raised seven kids; five in ten years, with a ten year break, and then two more; followed by more than a dozen grandchildren. Is this going to be easy; for anyone…? Nope. Change is NEVER easy. But it’s time.

My brother, Michael, just turned 30 this summer. Michael has Down Syndrome. He and I are the “bookends” of the family, and Michael will eventually be my permanent buddy…xoxo Moving to KC now means new roots, new friends and new surroundings while everyone is still young and healthy and happy. My dad will celebrate his 80th birthday later this year in his new house. We are so blessed….

“Home”

Hold on to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave (wave) is stringing us along

Just know you’re not alone
‘Cause I’m gonna make this place your home

(lyrics/music by Phillip Phillips – click below)

happy fourth…

7 / 4 / 15

Happy Birthday, America – 239 years old today! The Fourth of July. A celebration of our red, white and blue. Flags flying high and proud. Displays of patriotism around every corner. Amidst the BBQ and fireworks, the tri-color jello molds and the stars and stripes fingernail art – I think we sometimes get too busy, so wrapped up in all of the preparation and planning (myself included) that we forget. We forget to stop… and say “thank you”.

As they say, “there is no land of the free, without home of the brave“. To our men and women , past and present, who have served this great country of ours… we are forever in your debt. Thank you, thank you; a million times… thank you.

That being said, I also 100% LOVE all of the wonderful family and friends traditions that we celebrate this glorious day. So many memories, going all the way back to my grandparents’ boathouse on the river when I was a little girl. Spending the day on the little “beach” with a picnic lunch, catching tadpoles and shooting the rapids. Returning, exhausted, to our tiny little river house to enjoy smokebombs, “snakes” and sparklers, before we crashed, 2-3 people per bed, underneath a bizillion stars, in the middle of nowhere – the chirping of the crickets almost deafening… Flash forward – Another vivid Fourth of July memory – exactly 25 years ago today. Pregnant with twins and confined to bedrest, I was feeling ~~overwhelmingly~~ a little “stir crazy” and decided to “sneak out” and watch the fireworks that night. Ha!! Let me tell you, there is absolutely NO WAY to “sneak” ANYWHERE when you are 36 weeks pregnant with twins. Never-the-less; we did it anyway. I went into labor exactly 10 days later…

I woke up this morning remembering the past 25 years with our kids… like a filmstrip of memories all jumbled up into a big ball of happy. Parades and popsicles, family and friends, petting zoos and jump houses, tattoos and water balloons, pony rides and decorating the bikes, neighborhood pool parties and family BBQ’s… I’m not gonna lie; I have felt a bit melancholy all day. Sigh…

fourth of july kyle

So I chose this beautiful pic and quote (at top) this morning as my inspiration for this year – July 4, 2015. Not a focus on our “rights”, as such… but, rather, our privileges. As Americans, we are so mightily blessed. As a nation we must reject prejudice and embrace honesty. We are called to do the right thing. Just because. As (a very wise woman) Ellen says everyday at the end of her show… “Be kind to one another”.

OK. I’m done. Tri-color jello, anyone…? Happy Fourth, friends xo

sleepless in kansas city…

3 / 9 / 15

Just over two hours. That’s how much sleep I got last night. I could blame daylight savings time, or the one cup of (caffeinated) coffee at 10:00 AM yesterday morning… but I think not. I was in full blown “mommy mode” last night. My brain was on total overload, and there was no “shuttin her down“…

My kids are almost 25. Adults. I get it. Kinda…

My daughter left town yesterday for business. Alone. Had to catch a plane, and then another plane, get a rental car and drive two hours to a place where she has never been. A long day for her, an unsettling feeling for mama bear. She came over for dinner one night last week, and we figured out that because of travel conflicts, we will not see her for several WEEKS, even though she only lives about 25 minutes away. Gosh. I miss her already…

My son moved to Dallas last fall and started into a crazy busy phase at work after the first of the year. Long, long, LONG hours… seven days/week. Ugh!! After a quick text back and forth with “Dad” last night (sports talk), he told his dad that he was gonna try to hit the sack… “not feeling the greatest“. The nonstop stress on his body was trying to catch up with him. “Tell Mom I love her…” I’m sad. He needs Mom’s homemade chicken soup…

And then there is my cousin’s daughter’s daughter (pictured above). Eleven years old. In heart surgery RIGHT NOW. My dad’s side of our family has a history of various “heart issues”. I am posting this today for two reasons… One is prayers. Starting right now (PLEASE!), for her successful surgery; and going forward, for her recovery. Secondly, I am attaching her mom’s facebook post from a month or so ago, in hopes that it might make a difference, maybe even save a life. Please feel free to share the following information, as I have not included any names.

“Warning: Longest post ever, please read. I usually never get very personal on here or do I ask for many favors but today I am doing both. We just recently found out that **** has an anomalous right coronary artery. What that means is the her right coronary artery is next to the left one. In order to be there it has to lay between her aorta and pulmonary artery. This is bad because during physical activity as those vessels fill up with blood her coronary artery can become compressed and shut off blood supply to her heart. This is one of the few things that cause sudden death in kids as they are playing sports. Because of this diagnosis we were faced with decision. We could choose not to do surgery but **** would not be able to engage in any physical activity for the rest of her life and probably have to take meds or do open heart surgery and make the opening bigger so the artery doesn’t become pinched. Neither option is good but after a discussion with the cardiologist and ****, we decided on surgery. While her chance of sudden death with the defect is low she is still at increased risk and a life of no physical activity for an 11 year old didn’t really seem feasible. The thought of surgery is scary as well. We are all very worried but thinking about what is going through ****’s head is extremely hard.
So here is where the favors come in. Yes, I have several favors. First, we are asking for prayers. Prayers and good thoughts for a successful surgery with a speedy and hopefully easy recovery. We are to expect 1-2 week hospital stay, 3-4 weeks off school and 6 months no activity. Those first few weeks will be rough and could use all the prayers we could get. Second, I recommend having your kids checked. This can be found with an ECHO which is basically an ultrasound of the heart. It doesn’t hurt. ****actually had an ECHO in 2011 and was told all okay but recently found out that the artery wasn’t easily visualized so I would specifically ask to have that checked. Most of those sudden death cases of kids on the football field, basketball court etc…could be prevented. Third, We are trying to come up with ideas to help make ****’s recovery easier. Special things that we could for her. We have a few but not sure if they will work so please message me if you can think of anything. We don’t have the surgery date scheduled yet but hoping for early March so she will be in the clear for the next school year. Besides that we Just want to get it over with as it is consuming all our thoughts. Thanks in advance for the prayers and positive thoughts we appreciate it.”

In the next couple of days, I will post a blog on what I have been up to lately. As for today, just one very simple, but powerful, request. Your prayers…

thank you xo

their chapter…

2 / 2 / 15

pruett candle Yesterday I wrote of “chapters“; my word for 2015. This morning I awakened with a sense of the real impact of such a word. You see, today marks the closing of a very painful chapter for some dear friends of ours. Exactly one year has passed since they lost a beloved husband and dad. Today we remember Dan.

As their friends, we exist only on the outside of their incredible pain. In reality, we are rendered utterly helpless in their grief. What can we do? What can we say? At the very core, the truth is painfully simple really. Nothing. Their hearts have but one wish; and, sadly, we cannot bring him back.

So we simply do what we can. And it all starts with love. First and foremost, We love them… Quietly. Every day. Secondly, we honor their family’s long and painful journey by loving those around us with that very same all encompassing love. Quietly. Every day.

We cry with them… we cry for them. Just this morning I stumbled across this beautiful song that someone had selected for their mom’s funeral. It’s beautiful. And yes. I cried. You will too… Jealous of the Angels (Jenn Bostic)

It’s morning, February 2, 2015… the world still dark and silent. I lit a candle and said a quiet prayer. Tonight, in a community prayer service, we will gather once again; just as we did every single week in the months before Dan’s passing. In those days and weeks we prayed for Dan’s healing. But tonight we will pray, along with Dan in heaven, for his family’s healing.

One year later. Their journey; their chapter…

“my word”

2 / 1 / 15

book dandelions — Source: Eqinox/We Heart It

I finally decided on “my word”. For 2015. My word is “chapters”.

Whew! I mean, here it is, February 1st. Already. That means I existed the entire first month of January, 2015… with no word. What? How? OK. Here’s the deal. I didn’t want to just grab any random word; and call it MY word. I had to ponder. And dwell. And stress. Now I probably shoulda coulda woulda started this process a little earlier, but to be quite honest with y’all (my son moved to Dallas. Gotta do that y’all thingie every once in awhile now…), I DID NOT KNOW we had to have “a word”. Yep. I’m just being really honest here. I just didn’t know. Did you know? Ya. You probably did. My friend Dawn has a word. (Click HERE) And she had a word last year as well. She just kinda “knows” these things tho…

“What’s the greatest chapter in your book? Are there pages where it hurts to look?”

A couple lines from one of my fav Blake Shelton songs… Truth is, I have always looked at my life as a book, and every single chapter in “my book” has made me the very person that I am today. The good, the not so good; accomplishments, defeat; amazing triumphs and overwhelming heartbreaks; over-the-top joy, and excruciating pain. It is all me. It is my book. Those are my chapters.

2015 promises to be a big year for me. As it stands now, I will be writing many new chapters throughout the year. And closing others. Case in point, I started the year off by closing the longest running, absolutely hands-down greatest chapter in my “book of life” thus far… The chapter dedicated to raising my (amazing) kids. You notice I did NOT say the chapter dedicated to “Motherhood”. Oh no, no, no. I know better than that. There is no “one chapter”; no “end” to the privilege of Motherhood. My kids will ALWAYS be my kids, and I will ALWAYS be their mom. Nothing will ever change that. EVER. Yes; there are many levels, and chapters, to Motherhood. But the reality is, I am done “raising” my children. They are both almost 25 years old now. Adults; living and working on their own. But I must be honest in telling you, it hurt like crazy to turn that page. To leave behind that amazing chapter and move on.

“What’s the greatest chapter in your book? Are there pages where it hurts to look…?”

2015… Stay tuned.

live happy… Cathy

saying goodbye to 2014…

12 / 31 / 14

Saying goodbye to 2014 is bittersweet. It has certainly been a year of change, to say the least.

Both of our kids graduated college and entered the (gulp!) “real world”; acquiring great jobs right out of school. I must tell you that we sincerely appreciate what an incredible blessing this is…!! In the fall, our son moved 500 miles away to Dallas, and that has been a real adjustment for our family. We miss him terribly; but he is happy and settled and doing well. Truthfully, at the end of the day, that is all that really matters. And, after much searching, our daughter has finally found a place to live (here in KC, thank goodness!!) and is moving out with friends in the next couple of weeks. She is SO excited!! Well… it certainly looks like the hubbie and I are gonna be empty nesters here in 2015!! Our plans to move my mom, dad and youngest brother to Kansas City escalated in 2014. Their home, where I grew up, is in Florissant, Missouri… just north of Ferguson, Missouri. Unfortunately, now everyone knows exactly where that is on a map. I have 21 family members living in the area. Two are police officers. Needless to say, it has been a very tense and emotional experience for our entire family. We hope to have my parents and brother moved to Kansas City very soon.

In the meantime, please join me in praying for peace. Everywhere…

We have a family prayer book that I started back in January 2002. Inside that book – snipits, clippings, pictures… memories of those people that we have lost over the past 13 years; or those people that have simply been in need of our prayers.

“A picture is worth a thousand words, but the memories are priceless”.

For the many we said goodbye to in 2014… We light a single candle. There are no words. xo

he is home

12 / 29 / 14

kyle lauren chiefs game Part of my heart went missing this morning.

My son was here for Christmas… Nine days! Wow!!! In the weeks/days leading up to his arrival, I was SO over-the-top excited. It would be absolutely amazing to have him here that long! Such an incredible Christmas blessing. As excited as I was, however, I knew there were also risks. Having him here that long would mean that my heart might start to play tricks on me. And boy was I was right. It certainly did.

My heart went right into “mama mode”. He was back home. In his old room, his old bed. His dishes were in the sink. He was asleep on the couch with the dogs. His towel was back on his bathroom floor. It was just like it was before he moved away.

There were friends and family; dinners and parties; games and movies. We ate too much and slept too little. We laughed, we cried, we reminisced.

Until this morning…

I woke up with that feeling. You know the one. It’s dark and empty and makes you want to just close your eyes and return to the comfort of your dreams. But reality is unavoidable. So after a good cry (Wait. Is there such a thing…?), I walked down the hall towards his (old) bedroom. The light was on. I knocked. “What sounds good for breakfast? Eggs? French toast? Smoothie?” I could see him searching my face; my eyes. He knew. “A smoothie would be great.”, he replied, almost apologetically. I feel terrible about being so sad in front of him, but he knows that is just the way of my heart. The next hour passed in a heartbeat. It was time to go. His cousin’s car was in the driveway ready to begin the eight hour, 500 mile journey home. Yes… Home. The reality is, this is not “home” for him anymore. In his heart; Yes. A part of his heart will always be “home” here… in our hearts. No matter where life takes all of us. But he has moved on, and it is just as it should be. That, my friends, is one hefty of dose of reality. I have no regrets, though. None. I wouldn’t trade a single moment of all the happy, even knowing that the sad would follow. We must always remember to savor each and every moment that we are blessed with.

Exactly eight hours later; his text… “Made it back safe & sound. Miss & love you.” He includes a sad emoji and a big red heart. He is not an emoji guy. That was for me. I simply respond, “me too“.

He is home.

the magical Christmas tree

12 / 3 / 14

It’s early. And quiet. And the tree is on…

I am supposed to be doing something else right now; but I can’t. I am completely wrapped up in magic and memories this morning. So I succumb to the moment. I turn on some relaxing music, my “Spa Christmas” CD (not kidding.), light a Christmas candle and pour another cup of hot coffee. We need to chat…

You see, I realized something very, very important this morning.

Our Christmas tree is magical.

Here’s the deal. Over the years our tastes have changed, decorations have come and gone, we have even moved from house to house. But something significant occurred to me this morning. Our Christmas tree is different. It defines us as a family. It is the one true constant that ties every single Christmas together throughout the years.

We are not a fancy tree family. No white lights, Waterford crystal and Christopher Radko ornaments here, my friends. Our lights are bright and multi-colored; our ornaments an eclectic combination of wonderful memories. A snapshot of who we are as a family.

A Chiefs ornament that my sweet (widdle) hubbie made as a kid in 1971; a Santa walking his 3 little pigs (that’s mine!), a collection of treasured ornaments given to my kids every year from their grandparents, our very own “Christmas Vacation” squirrel, a beautiful assortment of treasures hand-painted by my (very talented) mom…

We have decorated this tree together as a family for more than 24 years. When it comes to our favorites (Mom & Dad), however… that is easy. We have a little box that houses all of our very, very favorite little treasures. Most of them date back 20+ years to the preschool days. Our precious little angels – perfectly framed in construction paper stars and sequins. Glittered teddy bears with crooked little googly eyes hand-crafted by two adorable little three year olds. Priceless. And, without a doubt, magical…

In the quiet of this magical morning, as I was snapping pictures of our beautiful tree – I was overcome with emotion… the treasured memories of days gone by. An intense happy and sad at the same time. Our son moved to Dallas in the fall. He was home for Thanksgiving, and it felt beyond wonderful to have both of my kids home at the same time again. As a family, we treasured every single moment together xoxoxoxo And although our time passed so very quickly, we were able to accomplish one very, very important thing before he left. We decorated the tree. Our magical tree…

For those of you who may not believe in the magic of Christmas, allow me to share one final thing. As I was reminiscing this morning, completely wrapped in a warm blanket of memories from the past, I was also very focused on the happiness of this given moment. The present; a gift. A thought suddenly occurred to me. What about our kids? I wonder what favorite memories and traditions they will carry with them into THEIR futures? Our daughter LOVES Christmas, her family and tradition. I think it is safe to say that she will probably take a lot of her memories of Christmas past into her future. My son is also very family oriented, but decorating for Christmas was never a real “priority” for him. When they were little, both of my kids each had their own little tree in their rooms. Santa would always leave one little gift under their (room) tree on Christmas Eve… if it was up!! My daughter had one tree with lights AND three bright tinsel trees plus an entire collection of her own ornaments that she had collected over the years. No problem there, Santa. My son? Well that was a completely different story. Trying to get him to decorate his one little (room) tree was next to impossible. That is, until he finally figured it out. He started hiding the little tree (completely decorated) in the back of his closet from year to year. From that point on, it was never a problem.

So you are probably wondering, as I was this morning, what special memories will he carry into his Christmas future…? He is on his own now for the first time, far from home at Christmas time. He lives alone and although he will be back in Kansas City a few days before Christmas, I was sad thinking that that he would not have any “Christmas” in his new apartment over the next few weeks. It was at that very moment that a text came through on my phone. “Mom, I’m thinking about getting a Christmas tree… Any chance you could send my ornaments? They should be in the back of my closet.”

I cried. Yes, sweetie. I know where they are.

And that is the story of the magical Christmas tree. The end.

one week and counting…

11 / 20 / 14

My baby boy moved to Dallas in September. I miss him.

A lot.

How old? Twenty four. So what…!? You don’t just NOT miss your kid cause they are 24 with a real job… in their own apartment… in a fun area… surrounded by people their own age… in a big city… with a lot of golf and restaurants and nightlife… ??

Yep. I’m pretty much screwed.

So I simply hang on to whatever lands in my lap. A phone call, a ~~letter in the mailbox~~ funny text, an Instagram pic, a Snapchat video… Anything that brings him just a bit closer to home. But I miss still miss him.

A lot.

If you follow me on Instagram (creationsbycathy) you know that I have been posting every day during the month of November about things that I am grateful for. Spoiler alert… Exactly one week from today is Thanksgiving. A day for giving thanks for all of our many, many blessings. That being said, I can already tell you what I will be posting that day. “Someone” is flying in to spend Thanksgiving with his family… and mama bear, papa bear and sister are so, so, SO excited!! Three and a half glorious days!! The hugs. The kisses. Sitting next to him on the couch. Waking up in the morning with BOTH of my kids here… It’s almost too much! Yes, the countdown has begun…

tick, tock, tick, tock….

live happy

hello, again

11 / 1 / 14

hello. again….

I’ve been gone awhile. Six months, to be exact. But I’m back. In my usual, haphazard sort of way. You know; a post every day for 2 weeks. Then nothing for the next three weeks.

Or six months.

I needed a little social media hiatus, I guess. A time to chill. Regroup. Collect my thoughts. Ponder life…

Bold statement: “I’m going to attempt to be a bit more consistent in my blogging” (don’t think that I don’t hear the muffled giggles amongst you…)

Followed by the “however…” statement: “In order to do so, however, I must learn to be a bit more, well.. brief?” (OK – the muffled giggles just turned to outright laughter…!)

OK, Yes. I said brief. I know. It sounds ridiculous coming from me, doesn’t it!? I agree. But I’m sure gonna try. Truth is, I think that I really need this place, this little space, to share what’s in my head and my heart. I’ve said it a million times before, but blogging – for me – is an online journal. My diary. My therapy. I’m sharing my thoughts, feelings, experiences with you, in hopes that something that I say may touch your life in some small way. Perhaps we will connect on some level. Start a conversation. Or not. It may simply be something you just needed to hear or see at that very moment. Something in your heart; not to be shared with anyone. That works for me too…

So it’s November. A beautiful month to honor the spirit of gratitude. Every day this month I am going to post a picture on Instagram; something that I am grateful for. I am going to jump back on Facebook, as well. Although not as often as I used to. And, of course, stay tuned – right here – for future “brief, yet meaningful” blog posts from yours truly! (teehee!!)

yes. it’s hello. again…