home

“HOME is not a place. It’s a feeling”

Over three years. That is how long we have been searching for a house. A house that my parents, and youngest brother Michael, can call home. I’m not going to say “the perfect house”, for I do not believe in the concept of “perfection”. What I will say, however, is that it feels right. And good. And happy.

From St. Louis to Kansas City. My parents and brother will be moving 252 miles across the state of Missouri – leaving behind a house that has been “home” to my parents for more than 40 years. It is where they raised seven kids; five in ten years, with a ten year break, and then two more; followed by more than a dozen grandchildren. Is this going to be easy; for anyone…? Nope. Change is NEVER easy. But it’s time.

My brother, Michael, just turned 30 this summer. Michael has Down Syndrome. He and I are the “bookends” of the family, and Michael will eventually be my permanent buddy…xoxo Moving to KC now means new roots, new friends and new surroundings while everyone is still young and healthy and happy. My dad will celebrate his 80th birthday later this year in his new house. We are so blessed….

“Home”

Hold on to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave (wave) is stringing us along

Just know you’re not alone
‘Cause I’m gonna make this place your home

(lyrics/music by Phillip Phillips – click below)

be the bird

5 / 16 / 155 / 18 / 15

This is why I never get anything done.

My heart was full – to the brim – with good intentions. I was gonna sit down and pay my bills. NOW. No more procrastinating.

Check list. Computer, stack of bills, pen, jacket because I was chilly, let the dogs out on the deck, music on, leftover coffee warmed up, porch windows open, cell phone (texting my kids), new pen (out of ink)… check, check, check

Hmmm. I’m out of my “bill payment sheets”. No problem; just need to run a few copies, so this isn’t an excuse to procrastinate next month. Ya. Right. What is a “bill payment sheet”, you’re wondering…? Well, short story – my organized alter ego coming through. A little Excel thingie I created years ago that I fill in each month with each payee and the amounts, dates, confirmation numbers… I love charts and graphs and columns. You see, in my mind I am a very organized person. Somewhere in the follow ,through, is where it seems to fall apart.

So off I go into the hubbies office where we have our printer. This stupid machine seems to take forever to warm up. I decide to spend my waiting time getting a closer look at our bird families that are currently renting space on our front porch. So off I go in search of binoculars. Surprisingly, this proves to be a rather simple step. For some reason, they are exactly where they are supposed to be. Weird.

What happened next was quite unexpected. Above the right column was our mama dove. She is a regular. Must have about 100 babies by now. Poor exhausted thing. As I focus in on the nest I see little pieces of my front porch planter, woven throughout… You’re welcome, Mama Dove. Just help yourself. “A mamas gotta do what a mamas gotta do.” (Feel free to quote me) As I divert my gaze over to the left and focus in on the second column, I see the other mama bird. But she is not a dove. She is a little sparrow…? I guess. I dunno. She is tiny, and definitely not a dove. I think she is a sparrow. Whatever. Here’s the point of the story.

It was at that very moment that I envisioned world peace.

Here were these two mama birds, living side by side, coexisting peacefully. They were not the least bit concerned that they were different colors, or had different markings. One was 2-3 times the size of the other. No worries. Their voices; their songs – so very different. Not a bother. No judgement. No prejudice. They were simply and respectfully doing what God had asked them to do with their lives. So the “take away”? I dunno. Maybe “Be the bird”. Ya. I know. I hear your thoughts. It’s simplistic and ~~a bit~~ naïve, I admit -But, OH, what a beautiful thought…

The printer is screeching and spurting ugly sounds, catapulting me back to the here and now. The printer is warmed and ready for action. I, reluctantly, set down the binoculars and move forward. I simply must stop procrastinating and pay these stupid bills. But first… I need to take this jacket off because I’m sweating, let the dogs in and close the porch windows because it looks like rain, re-warm my coffee that’s now stone cold – Oh, and lookie – a text from the kids…

“Be the bird”

live happy… cathy

sleepless in kansas city…

3 / 9 / 15

Just over two hours. That’s how much sleep I got last night. I could blame daylight savings time, or the one cup of (caffeinated) coffee at 10:00 AM yesterday morning… but I think not. I was in full blown “mommy mode” last night. My brain was on total overload, and there was no “shuttin her down“…

My kids are almost 25. Adults. I get it. Kinda…

My daughter left town yesterday for business. Alone. Had to catch a plane, and then another plane, get a rental car and drive two hours to a place where she has never been. A long day for her, an unsettling feeling for mama bear. She came over for dinner one night last week, and we figured out that because of travel conflicts, we will not see her for several WEEKS, even though she only lives about 25 minutes away. Gosh. I miss her already…

My son moved to Dallas last fall and started into a crazy busy phase at work after the first of the year. Long, long, LONG hours… seven days/week. Ugh!! After a quick text back and forth with “Dad” last night (sports talk), he told his dad that he was gonna try to hit the sack… “not feeling the greatest“. The nonstop stress on his body was trying to catch up with him. “Tell Mom I love her…” I’m sad. He needs Mom’s homemade chicken soup…

And then there is my cousin’s daughter’s daughter (pictured above). Eleven years old. In heart surgery RIGHT NOW. My dad’s side of our family has a history of various “heart issues”. I am posting this today for two reasons… One is prayers. Starting right now (PLEASE!), for her successful surgery; and going forward, for her recovery. Secondly, I am attaching her mom’s facebook post from a month or so ago, in hopes that it might make a difference, maybe even save a life. Please feel free to share the following information, as I have not included any names.

“Warning: Longest post ever, please read. I usually never get very personal on here or do I ask for many favors but today I am doing both. We just recently found out that **** has an anomalous right coronary artery. What that means is the her right coronary artery is next to the left one. In order to be there it has to lay between her aorta and pulmonary artery. This is bad because during physical activity as those vessels fill up with blood her coronary artery can become compressed and shut off blood supply to her heart. This is one of the few things that cause sudden death in kids as they are playing sports. Because of this diagnosis we were faced with decision. We could choose not to do surgery but **** would not be able to engage in any physical activity for the rest of her life and probably have to take meds or do open heart surgery and make the opening bigger so the artery doesn’t become pinched. Neither option is good but after a discussion with the cardiologist and ****, we decided on surgery. While her chance of sudden death with the defect is low she is still at increased risk and a life of no physical activity for an 11 year old didn’t really seem feasible. The thought of surgery is scary as well. We are all very worried but thinking about what is going through ****’s head is extremely hard.
So here is where the favors come in. Yes, I have several favors. First, we are asking for prayers. Prayers and good thoughts for a successful surgery with a speedy and hopefully easy recovery. We are to expect 1-2 week hospital stay, 3-4 weeks off school and 6 months no activity. Those first few weeks will be rough and could use all the prayers we could get. Second, I recommend having your kids checked. This can be found with an ECHO which is basically an ultrasound of the heart. It doesn’t hurt. ****actually had an ECHO in 2011 and was told all okay but recently found out that the artery wasn’t easily visualized so I would specifically ask to have that checked. Most of those sudden death cases of kids on the football field, basketball court etc…could be prevented. Third, We are trying to come up with ideas to help make ****’s recovery easier. Special things that we could for her. We have a few but not sure if they will work so please message me if you can think of anything. We don’t have the surgery date scheduled yet but hoping for early March so she will be in the clear for the next school year. Besides that we Just want to get it over with as it is consuming all our thoughts. Thanks in advance for the prayers and positive thoughts we appreciate it.”

In the next couple of days, I will post a blog on what I have been up to lately. As for today, just one very simple, but powerful, request. Your prayers…

thank you xo

their chapter…

2 / 2 / 15

pruett candle Yesterday I wrote of “chapters“; my word for 2015. This morning I awakened with a sense of the real impact of such a word. You see, today marks the closing of a very painful chapter for some dear friends of ours. Exactly one year has passed since they lost a beloved husband and dad. Today we remember Dan.

As their friends, we exist only on the outside of their incredible pain. In reality, we are rendered utterly helpless in their grief. What can we do? What can we say? At the very core, the truth is painfully simple really. Nothing. Their hearts have but one wish; and, sadly, we cannot bring him back.

So we simply do what we can. And it all starts with love. First and foremost, We love them… Quietly. Every day. Secondly, we honor their family’s long and painful journey by loving those around us with that very same all encompassing love. Quietly. Every day.

We cry with them… we cry for them. Just this morning I stumbled across this beautiful song that someone had selected for their mom’s funeral. It’s beautiful. And yes. I cried. You will too… Jealous of the Angels (Jenn Bostic)

It’s morning, February 2, 2015… the world still dark and silent. I lit a candle and said a quiet prayer. Tonight, in a community prayer service, we will gather once again; just as we did every single week in the months before Dan’s passing. In those days and weeks we prayed for Dan’s healing. But tonight we will pray, along with Dan in heaven, for his family’s healing.

One year later. Their journey; their chapter…

saying goodbye to 2014…

12 / 31 / 14

Saying goodbye to 2014 is bittersweet. It has certainly been a year of change, to say the least.

Both of our kids graduated college and entered the (gulp!) “real world”; acquiring great jobs right out of school. I must tell you that we sincerely appreciate what an incredible blessing this is…!! In the fall, our son moved 500 miles away to Dallas, and that has been a real adjustment for our family. We miss him terribly; but he is happy and settled and doing well. Truthfully, at the end of the day, that is all that really matters. And, after much searching, our daughter has finally found a place to live (here in KC, thank goodness!!) and is moving out with friends in the next couple of weeks. She is SO excited!! Well… it certainly looks like the hubbie and I are gonna be empty nesters here in 2015!! Our plans to move my mom, dad and youngest brother to Kansas City escalated in 2014. Their home, where I grew up, is in Florissant, Missouri… just north of Ferguson, Missouri. Unfortunately, now everyone knows exactly where that is on a map. I have 21 family members living in the area. Two are police officers. Needless to say, it has been a very tense and emotional experience for our entire family. We hope to have my parents and brother moved to Kansas City very soon.

In the meantime, please join me in praying for peace. Everywhere…

We have a family prayer book that I started back in January 2002. Inside that book – snipits, clippings, pictures… memories of those people that we have lost over the past 13 years; or those people that have simply been in need of our prayers.

“A picture is worth a thousand words, but the memories are priceless”.

For the many we said goodbye to in 2014… We light a single candle. There are no words. xo

he is home

12 / 29 / 14

kyle lauren chiefs game Part of my heart went missing this morning.

My son was here for Christmas… Nine days! Wow!!! In the weeks/days leading up to his arrival, I was SO over-the-top excited. It would be absolutely amazing to have him here that long! Such an incredible Christmas blessing. As excited as I was, however, I knew there were also risks. Having him here that long would mean that my heart might start to play tricks on me. And boy was I was right. It certainly did.

My heart went right into “mama mode”. He was back home. In his old room, his old bed. His dishes were in the sink. He was asleep on the couch with the dogs. His towel was back on his bathroom floor. It was just like it was before he moved away.

There were friends and family; dinners and parties; games and movies. We ate too much and slept too little. We laughed, we cried, we reminisced.

Until this morning…

I woke up with that feeling. You know the one. It’s dark and empty and makes you want to just close your eyes and return to the comfort of your dreams. But reality is unavoidable. So after a good cry (Wait. Is there such a thing…?), I walked down the hall towards his (old) bedroom. The light was on. I knocked. “What sounds good for breakfast? Eggs? French toast? Smoothie?” I could see him searching my face; my eyes. He knew. “A smoothie would be great.”, he replied, almost apologetically. I feel terrible about being so sad in front of him, but he knows that is just the way of my heart. The next hour passed in a heartbeat. It was time to go. His cousin’s car was in the driveway ready to begin the eight hour, 500 mile journey home. Yes… Home. The reality is, this is not “home” for him anymore. In his heart; Yes. A part of his heart will always be “home” here… in our hearts. No matter where life takes all of us. But he has moved on, and it is just as it should be. That, my friends, is one hefty of dose of reality. I have no regrets, though. None. I wouldn’t trade a single moment of all the happy, even knowing that the sad would follow. We must always remember to savor each and every moment that we are blessed with.

Exactly eight hours later; his text… “Made it back safe & sound. Miss & love you.” He includes a sad emoji and a big red heart. He is not an emoji guy. That was for me. I simply respond, “me too“.

He is home.

one week and counting…

11 / 20 / 14

My baby boy moved to Dallas in September. I miss him.

A lot.

How old? Twenty four. So what…!? You don’t just NOT miss your kid cause they are 24 with a real job… in their own apartment… in a fun area… surrounded by people their own age… in a big city… with a lot of golf and restaurants and nightlife… ??

Yep. I’m pretty much screwed.

So I simply hang on to whatever lands in my lap. A phone call, a ~~letter in the mailbox~~ funny text, an Instagram pic, a Snapchat video… Anything that brings him just a bit closer to home. But I miss still miss him.

A lot.

If you follow me on Instagram (creationsbycathy) you know that I have been posting every day during the month of November about things that I am grateful for. Spoiler alert… Exactly one week from today is Thanksgiving. A day for giving thanks for all of our many, many blessings. That being said, I can already tell you what I will be posting that day. “Someone” is flying in to spend Thanksgiving with his family… and mama bear, papa bear and sister are so, so, SO excited!! Three and a half glorious days!! The hugs. The kisses. Sitting next to him on the couch. Waking up in the morning with BOTH of my kids here… It’s almost too much! Yes, the countdown has begun…

tick, tock, tick, tock….

live happy

my little girl

3 / 28 / 146 / 4 / 17

I woke up one week ago, on a Thursday morning, with a lump in my throat.

It had been a long, sleepless night; so many thoughts rolling around in my heart; so many memories. Sesame Street and tea parties. Beanie Babies and Disneyworld. Time had flown by so very quickly. Like a blur, really. An “over-the-top” happy, wonderful, “I am blessed” kind of blur. I stumbled out of bed hoping that coffee might clear the brain fog. Thought of the day: Reality is overrated. The truth is, I much prefer a world of happy disillusionment (is that even a word?). My baby is growing up. Her first day of first grade. Kindergarten was hard enough, but first grade would be all day. What would I do without her? She had laid out her clothes the night before and her backpack was waiting near the door. Her bedroom door opened and down she came, so ready to greet the day ahead. She looked so beautiful. So grown up. The coffee was strong, and the fog was starting to lift. Or was it…?? My eyes tried to focus on the “Tweety Bird” backpack sitting by the door, but my vision was blurred. Wait. Was that actually a leather briefcase and a name badge? I blinked. I blinked again. Hard. A single tear rolled down my cheek…

My little girl was all grown up, and headed out for her first day in the business world. A “big girl job”!! It was HER day. A day she deserved; a day she had EARNED. As a little girl, we always said she was our feisty little tiger – and she still is. It has served her well over the years. When life threw obstacles in her path, she never let them get the best of her. She rose to the challenge each and every time, and slayed the dragon. That girl of mine is one tough cookie, let me tell you! She is smart, determined, personable and one heck of a hard worker. As her mom, we traveled much of that road together. The ups, and the downs. She has taught me much about life. And love. And happiness. Today I stand in awe of the woman she has become. I am blessed to be her mom. “A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present and the hope and promise of the future.” – Author unknown

Little girl in a pink tutu with a sassy little spirit… or a beautiful young woman in “business casual” with a confident smile?

I guess for me, she will always be both.

This beautiful song is for my mother, daughter, and someday, perhaps, my daughter’s daughter… with love xo

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLS0Y40WwlA&w=420&h=315]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLS0Y40WwlA

live happy

nini’s marsetti casserole

10 / 2 / 13

Our newest little neighbor just turned one week old yesterday. Yay! This lucky little man came home to one adorable brother, two darling sisters and a very busy mom and dad!! In an effort to give them an extra few minutes of time, I decided that they needed a casserole. Yes – a casserole. Not some fancy gourmet meal that you have to “prepare“… a one-dish wonder that has but one requirement. Turn on the oven. Pondering the possibilities the other day, a memory popped into my head. One of my kids favorite meals when they were little… Nini’s Marsetti Casserole. Yep. That’s it.

Nini. My husband’s grandmother; my children’s great-grandmother; and one heck of a classy lady!! She had a zest for life that was absolutely contagious… Nini was, however, not exactly what you think of when you think “great grandma“… Not by a longshot. She had it all going on. The hair, the nails, the bling, the make-up… perfection. Her clothes were polished and crisp and tailored. She was educated and articulate; always up-to-speed with current events. She was a great golfer and an excellent piano player. She loved her life in Florida, but she also loved to travel. In this world of rush, rush, rush… Nini taught us the true meaning of “dining…” when we went out to dinner. More than anything, however, Nini loved her family and friends! xo Her social life would have made you dizzy! Her favorite time of the day… “Cocktail Hour”! WooHoo!! Yes – Nini taught everyone around her, by example, what it meant to live each and every day to the fullest. And she did so until the very end – October 18, 1995. At 89 years young, when her time on this earth was finally complete, she said goodbye during “cocktail hour”, decked out for a party with friends. Little did she know that there was a whole new group of friends waiting to meet her that evening.

Thanks to Nini, Heaven will never be the same… xo

Nini’s Marsetti Casserole

1 pkg (12 oz) thin spaghetti, broken into pieces & cooked

2 lbs. ground beef, browned *

1 lg. onion

½ green pepper, chopped *

1 jar (8 oz) sliced mushrooms

Minced garlic, to taste *

1 t. pepper, oregano & basil *

1 T. Worcestershire sauce

2 (14.5 oz) cans tomatoes

1 small can tomato paste

S&P, to taste

8 oz. Parmesan cheese

In a large pot, combine browned beef, onions, peppers, mushrooms and garlic; Simmer until tender. Add in seasonings and tomatoes. Mix well; then add in cooked spaghetti and 4 oz. Parmesan cheese. Pour into a 13×9 pan and top with remaining cheese. (Note: Can be frozen before – Just be sure to thaw before baking.) Bake at 350 for about an hour.

* I’m not a green pepper fan, but I love red peppers. An easy sub! When I am making for a family with kids, I often omit peppers altogether! I have also subbed in turkey Italian sausage for the ground beef, which is yummy. Whatever floats your boat…! Over the years, I added in the garlic and increased the seasonings a bit. xo

a life to live over…

9 / 11 / 13

So we are two days into our kitchen remodel (Yes. Will definitely blog about it!!) So I’m kinda, sorta stuck at home for the most part. Let me just say that this really makes it kind of difficult to procrastinate about this cleaning, clearing and purging “cycle” that I am in. I said difficult. Not impossible.

Today I found a (huge) stack of inspirational articles that I have collected throughout the years from emails, the newspaper, friends… I found it to be pretty much like going through a box of pictures. You know… Two hours go by, and you are all emotional entangled in a trip down memory lane – Yet, remarkably, the pile is still huge.

With today being the anniversary of 9/11 – we all awakened this morning with a heightened sense of “life”. And family. And loved ones. And those we have lost… A reminder about living in the moment, because today is a gift. With that in my heart, I stumbled across a poem that came via email many, many moons ago. I cannot tell you the source, or even who sent it to me. What I can tell you, however, is that it was written by someone that I would have LOVED to meet; someone who has always made me laugh… Erma Bombeck. I felt that sharing her wisdom and insight was a beautiful way to give meaning to a most difficult day… Thank you, Erma xo

If I Had My Life to Live Over (by Erma Bombeck)

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the “GOOD” living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment realizing that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more “I love you’s” and more “I’m sorry’s”

….but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute…..look at it and really see it … live it … and never give it back.